When Students Walk Out of Class: It's Not About You

In this episode of Yoga Teacher Confidential, Sage Rountree shares personal stories about the times she has walked out of classes and why it was never about the teacher. She also provides guidance on how to handle student walkouts in your own yoga classes with empathy and self-compassion.

• Why students walking out of class is often not about the teacher

• Stories that illustrate how students’ actions are rooted in their personal needs

• Practical tips on how to respond when a student leaves your class

Have you ever had a student walk out of your class? I’d love to hear your experience! Connect with me on Instagram @sagerountree or visit sagerountree.com. —Sage

Links:

• Sage’s website for yoga resources

• Connect with Sage on Instagram

• Yoga Teacher Confidential podcast site

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Want to become (almost) everyone's favorite yoga teacher? Explore my continuing education workshops and 300/500-hour teacher training programs. It's all at sagerountree.com.

Transcript

Can I tell you about the times I have walked out of class? They were about me and not really about the teacher at all. This is Yoga Teacher Confidential. I'm Sage Rountree. Thank you so much for listening. 

Have you ever had a student walk out of your class? It can be really confusing and disheartening. 

And of course it's absolutely human nature for you to tell yourself that it's all about you. And today's episode. I hope to convince you that it's not about you at all, both by giving you some stories of my personal experience, some stories of others' personal experience, and a few ways that you might react. 

If a student does walk out of your class. 

 I have walked out of class twice that I can remember. The first time was way back in 1996 when I was um a gym rat and I loved going to step aerobics at the gym. If you went to aerobics in 1996, you might remember how big step was. I [00:01:00] had this teacher that I absolutely adored, Pam, and I would write my schedule around her. 

Like she was such a good teacher and I would never miss a class if I could help it, which is why while I was on my way out the door to go to class and got a call on the landline for my father, who told me that his mother had died. So my grandmother had just died and it wasn't unexpected. It definitely was sad, but I already had some of that forward momentum that was carrying me out the door, down the hill and to the gym for step aerobics. 

So I say goodbye to dad. I got in the car, drove pretty normally to the gym, set up my step and my risers got warmed up and loosened began step aerobics. And after about 10 minutes had this moment when it all just kind of hit me and I thought, what am I doing here? So I packed up my step and I kind of snuck out as the classroom. Let me tell you, I really did adore Pam. It wasn't at all about [00:02:00] Pam. 

It was about me kind of eventually getting this emotional reaction just slightly delayed by about half an hour. I did tell Pam later what was going on, even though she probably didn't notice or care. She was a tough lady. Uh, good aerobics teacher, but it is pretty common, I think, for us as teachers to get our feelings hurt, if a student walks out. The other time I remember leaving class was a little bit different and it was a reaction that I had to the situation in the room. That said, I still think it was more about me and not about the teacher. I was teaching at a retreat center that offered regular classes over the course of the day. 

They had several different classes happening at the same time. So I had chosen one, I think it was one of the more mellow classes because it was the end of the day. I'd been teaching all day. My energy was low. I just wanted something pretty downtempo and mellow. I show up at the classroom. There are a few people lying around and a few people setting up [00:03:00] their mats and props. And other on the podium. Where the teacher is set for the class was a mummy. That I presumed was the teacher. She was wrapped in blankets. I swear she had something covering her eyes. I feel like she had her hands crossed in a mummy position, although that's probably just my memory playing tricks on me, some creative license and she wasn't standing and greeting the students as they walked into class. I went and got a mat down off the wall and I started to set it up. And I thought. Sage. 

This might be one of those times when you trust your gut and that this might not be the right class for you today. I quietly hung my mat back up. I snuck out of the room. The mummy was none the wiser because she wasn't looking at her students. And I wound up going to a harder class that I just down modified to make it suit my need for the day. 

And I feel like, uh, trusting my gut was probably a good reaction [00:04:00] there. I'm pretty sure that was the teacher. If it wasn't the teacher up on the podium playing mummy, I don't even think I would've wanted to stay in that class because what kind of class has students just doing that? But it was really about me and what I felt like I needed from the teacher. That also pointed out to meet what I want from a teacher in general, which of course is all guiding me toward the kind of teacher that I want to be for my students. And that is put plainly a welcoming hostess. If you are invited to someone's house for dinner. Don't you want to feel like they have put some effort in to receiving you? 

Like they have planned a creative and fun menu. Like maybe they have put some extra care into a flower arrangement or setting the table. Like they have prepped whatever they can before you arrive so that you can enjoy each other's company once you get there. It's not so fun if you show up to a dinner party and it's the [00:05:00] wrong place, wrong day, or your hostess forgot, or if you show up, even if you show up, you know, fashionably late 10 minutes late to give your hostess, those extra 10 minutes to prepare, and she's running around like a headless chicken or she's in the shower. 

No, you want to arrive and feel like you are expected and welcomed. And walking into a classroom where the teacher is actively not paying attention to the students, actively ignoring the students. It's not a great vibe. I can see an argument that says that that mummy teacher was maybe centering herself. 

Okay, cool. I also would counter that by saying couldn't she have been centering herself before there was 10 minutes before class starts. So if you need to have a little bit of time for introspection and grounding before your class, I get it. That's probably pretty smart. If it feels useful to you, then it is useful because you want to be in the right head space to be that [00:06:00] welcoming hostess. Work your way back from the time when class begins so that you can be ready to go, as your students are rolling in.

 Let me tell you another story. If you've read my book, THE PROFESSIONAL YOGA TEACHER'S HANDBOOK, you will have seen this story there. It's an absolutely true story that happened to my colleague and co author Alexandra when she was teaching a class. To give you a tiny bit of context here: Alexandra had not that far in the past before this class in question been teaching a class where a student had a medical emergency, it turned out to be like a mini stroke. And happily that student was in class with her husband who took her to the hospital and everything turned out. 

Okay. Dealing with medical emergencies is the topic of some other episodes of this podcast. I hope you'll go and listen to them because that's an important subject for us as yoga teachers to have thought through. But in this class in question, Alexandra's teaching, she's got a student who does the [00:07:00]first 10 or 15 minutes of class following along seems to be fine. 

And then all of a sudden kind of pulls a strange expression, rolls up her mat, apologetically waves her hands. Like, bye. Gotta go. And leaves. And Alexandra was left wondering, Did she hate me? Did she hate my sequence? Uh, was it too hard? Was it too easy? Is she sick? Do I need to be following up with her? 

Remember she had just had this fright in class, not that long previously. Anyway, Alexandra teaches the class feels like a loser. As you know, we always go to that dark place in our minds. And was literally at the computer looking up the student's information to check in with her after class. When in comes a message from this student, who says: Alexandra 

I'm sorry. I had to leave in the middle of class. I started to get the sinking feeling that [00:08:00] I had left the kettle on the stove. 

Okay. This sounds like classic OCD, right? Like you get that feeling and you have this compulsion and you need to check and make sure that it's not true. It can really interfere with your daily routines. It's also a perfectly valid reason for a student to leave class. If they have this compulsion to check, they should do it. 

But here's the twist. When the student walked into her house. She was proven right. She had left the kettle on the stove with the stove turned on. And when she got there, the kettle was dry and glowing red. 

Disaster averted, right?!?. And it was all because she had the presence of mind—we, hey, maybe we can even credit the yoga class right? It let her mind get still to remember this very important thing that she had forgotten to close the loop on. It could have saved her house. It could have saved the lives of her pets. 

There are all these repercussions. And [00:09:00] let me tell you absolutely zero of them had anything negative to say about Alexandra and the way she was teaching that class. If anything, they said that she created a good experience that let the student listen to her inner voice that said, oh boy, you really are forgetting something quite important. 

The next time you have a student leave class. Remember this story. It's probably not about you at all. In fact, we should celebrate when our students are making the right choices for them. Whether that is feeling the emotional weight of just realizing that they lost a grandparent. Whether that is remembering or worrying that they might have a pressing situation at home. Whether that is your student's intuition, just saying this isn't the right place for me to be right now. All of those are to be celebrated and they have nothing to do with you. 

What will you do the next time that a student walks out of your class? [00:10:00] I have a few ideas for you. Each of these is contingent on the exact context of the situation. Because if you have a student who quietly rolls up her mat, like points to her watch and tiptoes out, that's very different than if you have a student who burst into tears or is in some kind of mental health distress. 

Or if you have a student who clutches her stomach and covers her mouth and goes running out of class, that's a little bit different. Again, when we're thinking about medical emergencies in class, it's really important to read the context. Of what's going on with the student. Because as we, uh, as you may know, for many people, especially for women, a heart attack can look like something is off with your belly and a student might disappear to the bathroom for awhile. 

We'll talk about this in the medical emergencies episodes. If the student very quietly leaves is touching her watch and saying like, I got to go, that's very different. From if a student is showing some [00:11:00]obvious signs of distress. 

One idea, do nothing. If you know the student, if you trust your student's agency, and if the student doesn't seem to be having a crisis of some kind. Let it go. I know that can be hard, but the affirmation it's not about me can be super useful. If this is a student that you are familiar with, it might make sense to follow up with them. If you can see that they are taking all their things with them and leaving, give it a few hours and then reach out gently with an open-ended question. 

Like, Hey, I saw that you left class early. Is everything okay? Don't say what was wrong? Did you not like it was it too hard? Was it too easy? Love me. Love me. Love me, please. It doesn't have to be personal and it doesn't even need to be specific. You just want to hear ultimately that your student is okay. 

Right. So a vague open-ended friendly question might make sense. [00:12:00] Be prepared that you may actually get some feedback that something in the class wasn't working for your student. And then we can think about ways to process feedback. The subject of another episode here.

I imagine though that you will learn, it's really not about you. And that is today's affirmation. 

It's not about me. When a student leaves a class, tell yourself. It's not about me. And if you want to add some extra credit on here, you can tell yourself it's not about me. And I honor my students' agency and ability to make their own smart decisions. 

Have you ever walked out of class and why? I would love to hear let's connect. 

You can reach me at sagerountree.com on the socials at @sagerountree. There's no letter D in my last name. Or you can go straight to the podcast website, yogateacherconfidential.com. I look forward to hearing your experience. I also look forward [00:13:00] to hearing any feedback you have gotten from students who have left your class. Thank you so much for listening. 

I'll see you next time.